Christian Women’s vlogger Tiffany Dawn is back to tell the church that it’s time to stop shaming single people (by which she of course means single women). While I don’t disagree with everything she says in her video, Dawn is ignoring one crucial point. It’s not that churches are deliberately seeking out single women and chastising them for being single. It’s that single women are profusely crying and whining about being single, but then they proceed to blame those who point out that their bad behavior is the reason for their singleness.
This is a response to Tiffany Dawn’s, “Hey Church, Let’s Stop Shaming Single People.” Publishes on her channel on December 29th, 2020.
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While there are countless romance novels that encompass characters of all ages from all parts of the world across various eras, examine the best sellers and you’re likely to encounter a story that follows the same basic outline:
Chapter 1 introduces the female lead, an early to mid-20’s woman who’s pursuing her dreams amid many difficulties. She’s driven, independent and not going to let anything, a man or otherwise, stand in the way of her showing the world who she is and what she can do.
Enter the male lead, an early to mid-30’s tall, dark, handsome and incredibly ripped billionaire. Never mind how he became a billionaire. He owns some business or something, but he doesn’t really have to put that much effort into it. He’s a true player and womanizer. He has all the time he needs for working out, partying, and sleeping with beautiful women, with the author’s assurance that he’ll remain a billionaire without having to put in any of the time and effort of real entrepreneurs.
Then the Hallmark moment. Our heroine meets the handsome hero through some unrealistic but incredibly entertaining encounter. Despite her reservations, the pair ends up having passionate, mind-blowing intimacy within 72 hours.
The female lead might experience some confusion or reservation after the fact, but for the male lead this is the key moment in the story. Sure, everyone knows he’s a player with plenty of beautiful women at his fingertips, but our heroine is different. With this girl, the intimacy was so passionate. So utterly amazing and pleasurable that he knows he’ll never be happy again without her in his life. Almost overnight, the once wild and free bad boy transforms into a dedicated and faithful provider, committed to doing whatever is necessary to keep the female lead in his life.
Finally, after some brief drama, the pair marries and lives happily ever after.
So, what’s wrong with it? Nothing technically. There’s nothing wrong with reading a work of fiction and enjoying it as a work of fiction. However, have you ever encountered a woman who has a history of dating jerks, yet can’t stop complaining about how badly she wants to find a good man, settle down, and get married. A quick search of everything from women’s blogs to reddit threads confirms there is no shortage of these women available. They say they want good men as opposed to jerks, but when a man they acknowledge to be a good comes by, they inevitably leave him to go be with a jerk again. What’s going on?
The truth is, these women aren’t actually being honest about what they want. It’s not that they want a bad boy or a good man. They’re looking to make their life into a romance novel. What they want is an exciting, hot, bad boy, who they then transform into a committed and faithful husband through the power of great intimacy and their own feminine charms. Every woman wants to be the woman who can successfully tie down the womanizer because she herself is just that good.
Do women ever succeed in this endeavor? Maybe sometimes, but much like the lottery, for every winner you find, you’ll find millions of people who lost. Yet for some reason those people keep blowing their money on lottery tickets when it could be put towards worthwhile investments.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with reading and writing fiction and enjoying it. However, when you’re planning out a lifelong romantic strategy based on a formula that exists almost exclusively in fiction, you shouldn’t be surprised that it tends not to work out. If you think you’re going to transform a womanizer into quality husband through your own sheer awesomeness and great intimacy, well there’s a reason we go to physics textbooks and not sci-fi novels if we want information about the physical universe.
And that is My 2 Cents. Take it for what it’s worth.
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Christian Women’s YouTuber Tiffany Dawn has recently put out a video titled, “There’s NOTHING WRONG With You.” In it, she tells young women that their singleness is not their fault, and there’s really nothing they need to worry about when a guy rejects them or they can’t manage to find a relationship. While it’s certainly true that not every relationship works out, this kind of, “it’s not your fault” message only feeds the selfish, entitled attitudes that far too many women suffer from today.
This video may contain copyrighted content. Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for -fair use- for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
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The supposedly conservative beauty Tomi Lahren has posted a 15 minute rant to Facebook called “PSA for Boyish Men.” In it, Lahren accuses men of being trash and not knowing how to treat a worthy goddess like her and her intelligent, successful friends. However, has Lahren ever stopped to consider that if all her relationships are failing, maybe she’s the problem?
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This video may contain copyrighted content. Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for -fair use- for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
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Here’s the text of a letter sent into Slate Magazine’s Advice column by an anonymous user who calls herself, “Too Sexy.”
Dear How to Do It,
I’m an attractive and intelligent woman in my mid-30’s. To a certain extent, I know these things to be true. I’ve worked for 15 years as a successful commercial model, and I have a master’s degree and an above-average IQ. I’m in incredible shape. Also important to add: I definitely don’t come across as modest or sexually conservative. I post lingerie and bikini selfies.
I get a lot of emotional and intellectual fulfillment from my relationships with friends and family. When I date, my primary interest is finding partners who excite me physically and fulfill me sexually. For reasons I don’t understand, I rarely attract these men anymore. The men who flock to me, asking me out to the tune of several times a week (!), are average- or below-average-looking smart guys. These men have everything I’m looking for in a friend, but they aren’t what I want in a dating partner. My take is that they think my academic interests and penchant for elevated conversation will make me fall for them despite an obvious attractiveness gap. If I was looking for a marriage partner or someone to start a family with, that might be true. But I’m not! I want hot sex with semi-committed medium-term partners.
It sounds odd, but recently this non-stop attention from average-looking guys has started to eat away at my self-esteem. Instead of feeling flattered that they connect with me intellectually, I question whether interest from only this type of man means I’m not actually attractive. Again, they are great people! I just don’t want to have sex with them.
What can I do to attract the type of man I actually want to date? And how can I stop myself from feeling so insecure about the type of attention I’m getting in the meantime?
—Too Sexy”
Shocking I know. We could read from the idiots at Slate attempting to humor her, but instead I’m going to give my response. Here’s an open letter to you, Miss Too Sexy:
Dear Too Sexy,
The fact that you identify yourself as “Too Sexy” and openly describe yourself as an attractive, intelligent woman tells me all I need to know about what kind of a person you are. You’re a spoiled narcissist who knows deep down that you’re not as attractive or as intelligent as you think you are, but instead of exercising some humility and owning up to it, instead concludes that everyone else is just too stupid to recognize how great you are.
Let me take a guess as to how your life has played out up to this point. In your early 20’s, handsome rich men bedded you fairly often. At least often enough that you convinced yourself that there was something uniquely special about you. All you had to do was sit down at the bar and wait, and before long, plenty of men were buying your drinks. You’d pick the hottest one to go home with, never worrying about settling down or serious relationships because there would be plenty of time for that later.
Like I said before, at the time, you thought this was because there was something inherently special about you that would never go away. The reality was, you were nothing but a young piece of tail to those men. They always knew that in a few years you’d get old and they could move right to the next crop of 20-year-old beauties who would be every bit as beautiful and willing as you were.
You see Miss Too Sexy, when you were young and beautiful you had a choice. You could either seek out a quality partner who was willing to commit, or you could play the field for some fun and great sex. You chose the latter, and you probably had a great time. But you didn’t think far enough ahead to realize that a handful of years of having great sex with top quality men wasn’t going to be enough to make your life meaningful for the next 60 years.
Now you need to accept the reality. You’re not 20 anymore. Sure, you might stay in good shape and be good looking compared to other women your age, but the men your age who you want to attract are out banging the 20-year old’s now. Why would they pick a woman like you when they can have someone younger just as easily?
But here’s another thing. I suspect that these average men who are hitting on you probably aren’t that average comparatively to the male population as a whole. You could go ahead and try to bag one of them now, because I if it’s 5’s and 6’s asking you out now, I guarantee it won’t be long before it’s only 2’s and 3’s. You’re getting old Miss Too Sexy, and anything that makes you attractive to men anymore is rapidly fading.
In fact, based on your narcissistic self-descriptions, I can guarantee that your youth and beauty were the only things that ever attracted men to you, and not one of them ever wanted anything more than sex. Why the heck would anyone want to spend time with, much less give any level of commitment to someone with such an attitude? Even if you started giving those average men a chance, I’d bet the majority of them would recognize what a selfish brat you are and that to commit to you would be a fool’s errand.
So that’s it Miss Too Sexy. You’ve made your bed and now you have to lie in it. The reason you’re not attracting the men you want is because they were only ever interested in qualities that you no longer possess. There’s nothing you can do to change this now, but maybe your example can help younger women learn not to make the same mistakes.
I have no doubt that you’ll probably call me a misogynist and go right on believing that you’re all that, but somehow I predict that’s not going to do anything to help attract the men you want.
-My 2 Cents
And that is My 2 Cents. Take it for what it’s worth.
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Michelle Baxo of Power Love TV has made a video called, “How to Stop dating Narcissists (YOU DESERVE BETTER AND YOU KNOW IT!).” Ms. Baxo seems to think that avoiding narcissists is all about female empowerment and telling a woman to be the best person she can be while bringing out the best in others. However, the real reason certain women always find themselves narcissists is that these women are themselves narcissists.
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Writing at Bolde.com, author Amanda Chatel has published an article titled, “9 Reasons It’s So Hard to Find a Good Man.” In it, Ms. Chatel argues that society, not women, are responsible for the lack of good men. However, an analysis of her 9 points demonstrates that unrealistic expectations from women and radical feminism are the reason that she and others can’t find what they consider to be a “good man.”
This video may contain copyrighted content. Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for -fair use- for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
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On January 9th, 2020, Bernie Sanders campaign released a video of Sports Illustrated model Emily Ratajkowski endorsing Bernie for President. There’s no telling that Emily Ratajkowski is drop dead gorgeous, but does that mean you should listen to her advice on Bernie?
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Actress Alyssa Milano has been among those espousing that only 2% of sexual assault allegations are false.
Ever since the #MeToo controversy broke out, there’s been a commonly repeated claim made across the social media sphere that only 2 to 8% of sexual assault allegations are false, and that because such a low number of reports are false, we ought to always believe women who report they were assaulted by default. Even if not explicitly stated, what the people who report this are really saying is that since false allegations are so rare, the burden proof ought to be on the accused male to prove that he didn’t assault the female who is accusing him, not on the accuser to prove that he did. Even if the courts are ultimately unable to establish that he did commit the assault, we ought to assume he did anyways.
I should first point out that even if it is the case that only 2-8% of sexual assault allegations are false, it does not follow that we should therefore assume that all reports are true. Every case needs to be evaluated on its own merits, the accused is innocent until proven guilty, and the burden of proof is on the person making the positive claim that it did happen. If you deny this then you are denying your own right to due process the next time you are accused of committing a crime.
However, when you actually read from the studies that make this claim, it becomes clear immediately that specific definitions researchers are using have been chosen so as to make it seem like men are guilty of sexual assault far more often than they actually are. So, let’s quick talk about the various possibilities that exist when a woman accuses a man of sexual assault.
When a woman claims she was sexually assaulted there are three possibilities about her claim. Either she’s telling the truth, she’s deliberately lying, or she is sincerely mistaken for one reason or another. But these three possibilities apply not only to her claim about the assault but also to her claim about who assaulted her. It’s entirely possible, for example, that a woman was in fact sexually assaulted, but for one reason or another is mistaken about who assaulted her, and in such a case the woman would be telling the truth when recounting her assault, but none the less falsely accusing an innocent man.
But there are more possibilities as well. There in principle could be a case where a woman was in fact sexually assaulted, but has chosen to accuse someone other than the person who assaulted her. I don’t presume to know what the reasoning for that would be, but it is something that in principle could occur. Now in this case, a woman could be truthfully recounting a sexual assault, but deliberately accusing a man who did not commit it.
As you can see, this issue is not as simple as either the accuser was assaulted by the person she is accusing, or she was not assaulted at all and is lying. There are other possibilities, and very rarely will an investigation be able to definitively rule out all possibilities beyond the specific guilt or innocence of the accused. For example, suppose in a particular case where a man is accused of sexual assault, evidence is presented that completely exonerates him, such as security camera footage that proves he wasn’t even in the city that the alleged assault took place in on the night it occurred. In such a case, it would be established that the accused is innocent, but that doesn’t necessarily prove that no sexual assault occurred. At this point the accuser could try and claim that she must’ve been mistaken about who assaulted her. The innocence of the accused is not in and of itself, an admission by the accuser that no sexual assault occurred.
With all this in mind, what do the academics who have reported the 2-8% statistic actually mean when they say that only 2-8% of sexual assault allegations are false. In their paper that was published in Violence Against Women and presented at the Symposium on False Rape Allegations, the researchers who made this claim said very clearly what they meant, “To classify a case as a false allegation, a thorough investigation must yield evidence that a crime did not occur” (Lisak, Gardinier, Nicksa & Cote, p. 1319).
They go on to quote the International Police Chief’s Association as saying,
“The determination that a report of sexual assault is false can be made only if the evidence establishes that no crime was committed or attempted. This determination can be made only after a thorough investigation. This should not be confused with an investigation that fails to prove a sexual assault occurred. In that case the investigation would be labeled unsubstantiated. The determination that a report is false must be supported by evidence that the assault did not happen” (IACP, 2005b, pp. 12-13; italics in original).
So, in other words, the researchers who support this claim are saying that in only 2-8% of reported sexual assaults is it formally established that no assault took place. They ARE NOT saying that in 92-98% of cases the person accused is guilty. Within that 92-98% of remaining cases, there are still the possibilities that the woman is mistaken about who attacked her, that she was assaulted but is lying about who assaulted her, and those cases where she is lying about being assaulted, but the court cannot establish that this is a lie.
Let’s remember that the goal of a prosecution is not to establish every specific fact that pertains to a case, but rather to establish the guilt of the accused. If the person accused is in fact innocent, then the allegation made against them was false, regardless of whatever other details may be true with respect to the accuser. What then are the statistical facts with respect to those men that are accused of sexual assault?
One study by Eugene Kanin of Purdue University found that 41% of all sexual assault allegations are false, when it is understood that by this it means that the person accused of the crime was innocent (Kanin, 1994). However, Kanin’s study has been widely criticized. This in and of itself does not make his conclusions wrong, but let’s consider an alternative, less controversial source.
According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), in cases involving sexual assault, DNA evidence is able to exonerate the accused in at least 20% of cases, and it is exculpatory to the accused in at least 40% of cases (McElroy, 2006). For those not familiar with legal terminology, exonerate means the innocence of the accused is established, and exculpate means that doubt is cast on their guilt to the point that they cannot be convicted, even if it does not conclusively demonstrate their innocence. Also, don’t forget that this is simply referencing the use of DNA evidence and leaves open the possibility of other exculpatory evidence of a different nature.
The person claiming that sexual assault allegations are false only 2-8% of the time usually intends for the hearer to conclude that in 92-98% of cases, the person accused is guilty. The reality is that in 20% of cases the accused is innocent, and in at least 40% of cases there are serious reasons to doubt his guilt. False allegations of sexual assault are frequent enough that it is appropriate to call them common.
However, even if this were not the case, the fact remains that one must not assume innocence or guilt based on statistics. Women are not saints who never lie, and not all men commit sexual assault. Every case must be assessed on it’s own merits, the accused is innocent until proven guilty, and the burden of proof is on the party making the positive claim.
And that is My 2 Cents. Take it for what it’s worth.
Lisak, D., Gardinier, L., Nicksa, S. C., & Cote, A. M. (2010). False Allegations of Sexual Assault: An Analysis of Ten Years of Reported Cases. Violence Against Women, 16(12), 1318–1334. doi: 10.1177/1077801210387747
IACP. (2005b). Investigating sexual assaults: Concepts and issues paper. Alexandria, VA: Author
Kanin, E. J. (1994). False rape allegations. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 23(1), 81–92. doi: 10.1007/bf01541619
Many people today believe that gender roles are fluid, and that traditional gender roles are simply outdated stereotypes designed to oppress women. However, research and common sense strongly suggest that traditional gender roles are fundamental marriage and the family, benefiting all parties when they are embraced. This is the second video in my series Defending Traditional Marriage.
Ingalhalikar, M., Smith, A., Parker, D., Satterthwaite, T. D., Elliott, M. A., Ruparel, K., Hakonarson, H., Gur, R. E., Gur, R. C. & Verma, R. (2014, January). Sex differences in the structure of the connectome of the human brain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(2), 823-828. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1316909110
Kornrich, S., Brines, J., & Leupp, K. (2012). Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency in Marriage. American Sociological Review, 78(1), 26–50. doi: 10.1177/0003122412472340
Wilcox, W. B., & Knox, S. L. (2006). What’s Love Got to Do with It? Equality, Commitment and Women’s Marital Quality? Social Forces, 84, 1321–45.
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It is not my intention to cause the original video creator to receive any kind of harassment or abuse. It is my intention to provide a counter argument to the claims they have made. While I have no control over the feedback you choose to provide, I ask that you avoid any forms of harassment or abuse.
My 2 Cents 