Here’s the text of a letter sent into Slate Magazine’s Advice column by an anonymous user who calls herself, “Too Sexy.”
Dear How to Do It,
I’m an attractive and intelligent woman in my mid-30’s. To a certain extent, I know these things to be true. I’ve worked for 15 years as a successful commercial model, and I have a master’s degree and an above-average IQ. I’m in incredible shape. Also important to add: I definitely don’t come across as modest or sexually conservative. I post lingerie and bikini selfies.
I get a lot of emotional and intellectual fulfillment from my relationships with friends and family. When I date, my primary interest is finding partners who excite me physically and fulfill me sexually. For reasons I don’t understand, I rarely attract these men anymore. The men who flock to me, asking me out to the tune of several times a week (!), are average- or below-average-looking smart guys. These men have everything I’m looking for in a friend, but they aren’t what I want in a dating partner. My take is that they think my academic interests and penchant for elevated conversation will make me fall for them despite an obvious attractiveness gap. If I was looking for a marriage partner or someone to start a family with, that might be true. But I’m not! I want hot sex with semi-committed medium-term partners.
It sounds odd, but recently this non-stop attention from average-looking guys has started to eat away at my self-esteem. Instead of feeling flattered that they connect with me intellectually, I question whether interest from only this type of man means I’m not actually attractive. Again, they are great people! I just don’t want to have sex with them.
What can I do to attract the type of man I actually want to date? And how can I stop myself from feeling so insecure about the type of attention I’m getting in the meantime?
Shocking I know. We could read from the idiots at Slate attempting to humor her, but instead I’m going to give my response. Here’s an open letter to you, Miss Too Sexy:
Dear Too Sexy,
The fact that you identify yourself as “Too Sexy” and openly describe yourself as an attractive, intelligent woman tells me all I need to know about what kind of a person you are. You’re a spoiled narcissist who knows deep down that you’re not as attractive or as intelligent as you think you are, but instead of exercising some humility and owning up to it, instead concludes that everyone else is just too stupid to recognize how great you are.
Let me take a guess as to how your life has played out up to this point. In your early 20’s, handsome rich men bedded you fairly often. At least often enough that you convinced yourself that there was something uniquely special about you. All you had to do was sit down at the bar and wait, and before long, plenty of men were buying your drinks. You’d pick the hottest one to go home with, never worrying about settling down or serious relationships because there would be plenty of time for that later.
Like I said before, at the time, you thought this was because there was something inherently special about you that would never go away. The reality was, you were nothing but a young piece of tail to those men. They always knew that in a few years you’d get old and they could move right to the next crop of 20-year-old beauties who would be every bit as beautiful and willing as you were.
You see Miss Too Sexy, when you were young and beautiful you had a choice. You could either seek out a quality partner who was willing to commit, or you could play the field for some fun and great sex. You chose the latter, and you probably had a great time. But you didn’t think far enough ahead to realize that a handful of years of having great sex with top quality men wasn’t going to be enough to make your life meaningful for the next 60 years.
Now you need to accept the reality. You’re not 20 anymore. Sure, you might stay in good shape and be good looking compared to other women your age, but the men your age who you want to attract are out banging the 20-year old’s now. Why would they pick a woman like you when they can have someone younger just as easily?
But here’s another thing. I suspect that these average men who are hitting on you probably aren’t that average comparatively to the male population as a whole. You could go ahead and try to bag one of them now, because I if it’s 5’s and 6’s asking you out now, I guarantee it won’t be long before it’s only 2’s and 3’s. You’re getting old Miss Too Sexy, and anything that makes you attractive to men anymore is rapidly fading.
In fact, based on your narcissistic self-descriptions, I can guarantee that your youth and beauty were the only things that ever attracted men to you, and not one of them ever wanted anything more than sex. Why the heck would anyone want to spend time with, much less give any level of commitment to someone with such an attitude? Even if you started giving those average men a chance, I’d bet the majority of them would recognize what a selfish brat you are and that to commit to you would be a fool’s errand.
So that’s it Miss Too Sexy. You’ve made your bed and now you have to lie in it. The reason you’re not attracting the men you want is because they were only ever interested in qualities that you no longer possess. There’s nothing you can do to change this now, but maybe your example can help younger women learn not to make the same mistakes.
I have no doubt that you’ll probably call me a misogynist and go right on believing that you’re all that, but somehow I predict that’s not going to do anything to help attract the men you want.
-My 2 Cents
And that is My 2 Cents. Take it for what it’s worth.
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